[Part 1] Negative Self-Image, Body Dysmorphia, and Battling Feelings of Unworthiness

            I have struggled with these issues for a long time. It is something that I know I would be kinder to another person going through it than I am to myself. I find myself spending too much time worried about my appearance or my accomplishments, wondering how I could “prove” myself as smart, mature, or otherwise good enough. I want that additional beauty product, workout, degree, superfood, something to make me “better” than I am today.

            This flies in the face of things we’re commanded as Christ-followers to do: “Do not worry about what you will wear, what you will eat.” We are warned about spending too much time worrying about others’ perception of us, or whether God will provide.

Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’...But seek first the kindom of God and God's righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. - Jesus, from The Sermon on the Mount, Matthew 6:31,33

          You might be asking why I’m bringing this up now. I’ve received a few prayer requests from people in our congregation who struggle with similar issues. These were actually submitted anonymously, so I can’t even reach out to individual people to let them know how much I value them! I love, value, and think so highly of each person in our congregation that I can’t imagine how any one of them could have the same insecurities that I feel. My husband and I expressed similar insecurities to each other early on in our relationship, and we expressed about the same sentiment to each other: “I can’t imagine being you and wondering if I’m good enough!”

It’s easier to believe for others than for yourself much of the time. We all seem to be our own worst critics. Can we normalize complimenting each other randomly? I think we’re cool with doing that about someone’s clothing, for instance. “That skirt is so cute! Where’d you get it?”

But I rarely hear someone say, for example, “I think the way you seek justice is so much like how Jesus instructed and exemplified,” or, “I think the way you care for others in the community is a great expression of the Holy Spirit working in the world through you.” You don’t even have to get that formal and theological with it. “You do so much and love others around you so well!”

            I need to set a good example by focusing on my health instead of my vanity when I work out or diet. Guys, I have really starved myself at times.

Several of us go alone through struggles that others around us would understand. Much of the time, we don’t talk about what we’re going through for fear of judgment or a lack of understanding. I’ve spoken before about how I feel that I could come to our community with anything. I have found that I don’t need to be afraid with our congregation. I don’t feel judgment.

I will say, however, that sometimes people in our congregation come to me with things

that I know they could feel less alone about if they knew how many people struggle with the same things. (Did that make sense?)

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I have had some struggles that I feel many of the people I get to serve go through. In

the spirit of attempting to make you feel less alone, and with the knowledge that people who have come to me with the same issue repeatedly could feel better about if we were more open about it, I am ready to tell the story of my journey through negative self-image, body dysmorphia, and battling feelings of unworthiness.

That kind of story is different for all kinds of people. Some people have trauma which makes them insecure. Some people have a past including abuse. Some people have been brought up with a societal ideal of beauty which didn’t match their own image. For some people, it is not that clear how and why these feelings came up.

There is probably a more complicated cocktail of experiences in my life which contributed to these feelings than even I understand, maybe moreso my therapists. Specific communities as well as my faith have helped me to develop positive self-image. That includes physically, professionally, and intellectually.

Okay, this isn't from that actual Sunday, but those of you who shared were truly awesome!.

As I listened to people’s stories from our Testimony Sunday, I was proud of the openness people had about their journeys, their church traumas, and how healing it was to find a place like ours where they could be completely, authentically themselves. I want to give the same thing to you all. But honestly, it’s longer than some of my sermons, so it’s a multi-part blog instead. This is my testimony, and as you read the depressing parts, let me assure you that it all gets better—it brought me to you!

-Rev. Gavin Warren, Pastor

Please continue in parts 2-5 of this blog series.